I’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking about this whole “friendzone” situation and quite honestly, it doesn’t make any sense. I hear my guy friends talk about it all the time. “I listen to her all the time, I help her, I’m supportive. Why doesn’t she see that I like her?” Well the answer to the dilemma is that you listen to her, you help her and you’re supportive. I know what you’re thinking “But, Gabbi, I thought that’s what girls wanted!” You’d be correct but only after you’ve shown her that you’re romantically interested in her. Women constantly complain about how terrible men are. There are no good ones left, they’re only out for sex, and they don’t know how to treat a woman. You want to prove her wrong—that you know how to treat a woman and you’re not always thinking with your man parts. You do everything for her because you really like this girl.
If she was thirsty, you’d be ready to bring her Tibetan spring water because, quite simply, plain old tap water wasn’t good enough. She’s moving and needs someone to help lift boxes? You’re game. She had an awful day and needs to vent about it? You’re a great listener. You’re giving out all this support while trying not to sexualize the relationship in any way. You are giving yourself away freely. She’s probably going to take advantage of that because, hey, it’s always going to be there. It’s confusing and easy to get the signals crossed.
I mean, really think about this for a second. Say you’ve been friends with someone for a really long time and you’re starting to develop feelings for them. You’d be a little afraid to say something because you don’t want to ruin the relationship you already have, right? The person might look at you funny when you start flirting with them. The other person doesn’t see you (initially) as someone who is sexually attractive to them. That’s not to say that it couldn’t change. My boyfriend and I started off in this exact situation. I had a developed a little crush on him, but didn’t want to risk losing him as a friend, so I never said anything. But once he let me know that he was interested in me (he came right out and said it,) I was able to see him as a potential romantic partner. His conversation, his kindness, his companionship, his help and most importantly, his time became something he could offer me.
I think it also works the same way with two people who have never met one another. If you’re in a bar or a club, you have no connection to this person. If you walk up to someone who is having a drink, you have all the control. If you’re talking and you realize that you’re interested, that’s fine, but steer the conversation. Are you the guy that listens to the girls at parties who always want to talk about their problems? Congratulations, you‘re at risk of failing because you’ve elevated their problems above yours. If you fall into the listening/support trap early on, it’s going to follow you through the entire relationship… as her friend.
It’s simple: if you want to stay out of the friendzone, flirt! For the love of all things love-related, flirting is essential. How does anyone know that you’re attracted to them if you don’t show them or tell them? Find some direct way of telling her that you like her, otherwise, it’s a waste of time. I don’t know any mind readers. Chances are, neither do you. Besides, we all know that faking it ‘til you make it isn’t always the best idea and acting like you don’t want something is just pretending. It doesn’t make the yearning go away. Do yourself a favor and go after what you want.
