Together or Separate: Money Matters in Relationships

For the longest time now, my boyfriend of seven years and I have been talking about getting a joint bank account. We've lived together for three years and have various bills together, so it makes sense for us to put our money together since we pretty much spend it together, right? Or maybe not.

Looking for another perspective on the idea, I turned to my favorite opinion gathering spot, Facebook, along with a conversation I sparked with a male friend. It seemed that we all had the same opinion: there are really no rules as to when a couple can decided to combine their finances and assets. but each person should have a separate account for personal spending or as one of my FB buddies put it, "...have something put away for a rainy day and never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing." I could totally agree with that. I also had a friend that believed that finances should never be combined. It doesn't mean that you can't work together and be together, I think he just felt that it might avoid a point of contention. "If I fail she got me and vice versa. Two leaders is better than one."

I suppose that all this boils down to is a little bit of common sense and a lot of trust. Common sense says that if you've only been together a short time, it's a good idea to keep your own accounts. Some people feel like one year is a long time (I'm not one of them.) My friends look at me funny when I tell them how long my boyfriend have been together because, you know, that's a freaking eternity. We're practically ancient in Couple years! However, everyone's decisions will be influenced by their own experiences and when we decide to combine our money, whether in whole or part, we will be prepared to deal with everything that comes along with it. In the end, we are still independent people and must be able to do for self first.

For a great outline of how to deal with your money matters, see these 25 financial tips for couples from WIFE.org

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*3 Simple Love-ipies*

In my opinion, being in a relationship is as fun & easy as you make it. 

I don't think there should be any particular rhyme or set of rules that every couple has to follow in order to make it...or is there? 

I have recently entered into a committed relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend, "Facebook official" situation so learning the ropes of this exclusive dating stuff is a relative priority for me right now to make it the best situation possible for not only my guy but for myself as well. 

With that being said,

I think in general there are a few simple relationship philosophies to go by that can help smooth over any issues that may arise or cause a nice harmony early on from the get go & they are as follows..

Do unto your partner as you would want done to you!

...Simple notion that goes a long way. Once you find someone that is willing to treat you as well as you treat them then that is a golden circumstance that makes everything that you two may face easier from the very beginning...

OVERcommunicate :)

(word I just made up but that's neither here nor there..)

...Talking through things isn't always fun, easy or simple but I believe it to be necessary to talk up & let your partner know things that you may not even necessarily want to share with them. In order to free your mind & keep both of you on the same page it really needs to be done in order to keep the lines of communication  widdeeee open. If there is no more raw talking going on then I do believe more problems will arise or breaking up may be inevitable...

Take your time.

...Don't be in such a rush to place labels on your particular situation  because every case is different. Unless things are going wayyy too slow to the point where you are questioning if the other person is interested then enjoy the getting to know each other phase to not get bored too soon. I think it is better to take monogamous dating one day at a time to not add any extra pressure because you really just don't know what's going to come up in the future. Slightly pessimistic view but it can save some heartache if you take things one step at a time before things get too deep or serious... 

Of course, there is no perfect recipe to creating a harmonious relationship but when you are trying to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend you can be..little tips can't possibly hurt :)

Any simple notions you care to share? 

I need all the help I can get! :)

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Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze, Jr. Prove My Point. Communication Is The Basis of All Good Relationships!

I don't know about you guys, but I absolutely love a good hollywood love story... when it lasts. Freddie Prinze, Jr. has been one of my celeb crushes since he was Zack in 1999's "She's All That" and I worshiped SMG through all seven seasons of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I thought they were perfect for each other when they announced their engagement back in 2001 and subsequent marriage the year after that. With only a few months until their 10 year anniversary in September, (gasp!) Yahoo! ran a story today about the secret to their decade-long union and  the impending big sisterhood for their two year old daughter, Charlotte Grace. Sarah pretty much proves my point that relationships are nothing without communication, whether they are personal relationships with friends and coworkers, business relationships, or intimate relationships with a significant other.  "We communicate. That's my secret. It's not a secret, but it's how I handle all my good relationships, whether they're male-female or not. If you bottle things up, it explodes on you." Not to mention that as humans, we lack the supernatural powers of mind reading. How does anyone know what you want or need if you don't tell anyone?  So, congratulations to the happy couple and thanks for restoring a little bit of faith that love and marriage can last.

(Image: Google)

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Secrets to Communicating with Your Man

Communication, it's a very important part of any relationship, platonic or romantic. It is an issue that comes up time and again whenever I'm talking to friends about their relationships. But I'm gonna impart some secrets that should make this whole "talking" thing easier.

Secret #1 Men like to fix things. It's how they contribute to the world.
I'm not talking about the leaky sink in your kitchen. Have you ever been talking to your guy about an issue you had at work and he starts telling you what you should do to fix it before you can finish the whole story? After that, he's gone back to whatever he was doing? Men are problem solvers. Now that he's "fixed your problem" he can move on, at least that's how it goes in his mind. But you didn't initiate conversation because of a problem that you needed help with. You were just trying to vent about your crappy coworker.

 Instead of getting annoyed and thinking that he's dismissing you, you should understand that  men don't process emotions the same way that we do, nor do they value verbal exchanges as much. We as women talk about everything with each other. Men only share the essential details with each other. Because you expressed frustration with something, he took that on as a problem. Everything after that is irrelevant background information. Next time you feel like venting, keep it simple and short. Guys don't need a play by play of our day. Which brings me to my next secret

Secret #2  Men show their love through actions rather than words.
Talking about feelings isn't something that comes easily to a man. In general, men are raised to disregard emotions-- especially the need to show or discuss them. Maybe he's just not a touchy kind of man. Don't fret, though. Chances are he's done something else to show he cares. He may have taken time to load the dishwasher without you asking, or  bought your favorite ice cream during a quick stop at the store.  They seem like simple gestures, but he was trying to lighten your load and give you something to look forward to. If you'd really like a hug instead, just say so. They're usually open to requests as long as they're not made in anger.


Secret #3 Say what you mean and mean what you say. 
 Men will take what you say literally. Therefore, you should never say "no" when you really mean "yes"or any variations thereof. It's one of the most ridiculous things you can do. I mean, how is he supposed to know what you mean if you don't tell him? I'll give you an example from one of my favorite train-wreck-of-a-TV-show, One Tree Hill. Brooke once got really upset at Lucas for going out on a date with a girl while they were nonexclusive. Lucas kept telling her that he only wanted to be with her, but Brooke wanted to keep sleeping with whoever was available, (including Lucas) so she insisted that he go out with someone. At the end of this long, drawn out argument,  she confesses that she didn't really expect him to go out with the girl. Instead she expected him to "fight for her." and rebel against her stubbornness. The first thing he says? "How the hell was I supposed to know that?" I totally agreed with his outrage. One of the things I learned early on (in various capacities) is to be honest. In a relationship, honesty is of the utmost importance.

Bottom Line
Communication is a two-way street when everything is good. However, it can quickly turn into a dead end if you both aren't willing to listen. If you really want a happy relationship, it's important to know what your partner needs to feel loved and treat them with the respect that you would require.

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Relationship + Facebook = Trust Issues?

Ever made the statement that Facebook is a relationship killer? We’ve all seen it, right—the one post in which someone airs their proverbial dirty laundry as a status and everybody else chimes in? Twenty minutes later, Jessica Somebody is listed as single. Immediately, those of us who try to avoid drama say “I knew that wouldn’t last long.” I mean, how could anybody trust you to be an adult capable of being in a relationship if you can’t take your grievances directly to your partner? We all know that telling all your business on a social media site spells trouble, but what about trusting your partner on the internet, in general? The other day, I was started a Facebook discussion with some folks about whether it was okay to have the passwords to your significant other’s social media sites The resounding consensus was “no.” Sure, I’ve seen it by accident when he didn’t close his browser (We each use a different one to avoid having to resave info on various sites,) but I’m not purposely stalking him and vice versa. I’d like to think that we’ve been together long enough that if he had a problem with something, he’d just ask. Others felt that it was distrustful and wholly unnecessary to ever know such information, especially if you ask for it. I got responses like:

“…If you choose to give each other your Facebook passwords, I think it kinds of set the stage for distrust. In order for a relationship to be true, both people have to fully trust/want to be in a relationship with the other person. If you can't trust them on Facebook, then you don't trust them in other aspects as well. Free will is the only way.” – C.R. “I feel like if you trust your partner then you shouldn't worry about their Facebook movements, but at the same time it shouldn't be a problem for your significant other to give you their password. But your Facebook is your Facebook, but I guess it's a compromise between you guys at the end of the day.”—K.I

I fail to see the real value that is offered in being so nosey/jealous/clingy that you need to have around-the-clock access to everything in your significant other’s social life and actually making use of it. It makes sense to share things that significantly impact the both of you, like bank information and utility accounts (if you’re at that stage,) and if you really want to give them to your information to them, then there must be a very high level of trust between the two of you.

“Well, my husband and I have each other’s Facebook, Twitter, phone, bank account, and any other password you could think of, I don't remember half of his but the fact that he gave them to me without being prompted was comforting.”—R.W.

I feel that a mature relationship can govern themselves when it comes to these issues. If you’re at a point in your coupledom that you can handled shared passwords, then by all means, go for it. However, I don’t consider Facebook a necessity for anyone, unless it’s part of your job. Still, you’re managing an entity’s image rather than being nosey. Facebook should be used as a communication tool for the people that aren’t always available in your everyday life. I’ve even gone so far as to tag a post telling my boyfriend to take his phone off silent and call me back, or take the chicken out of the freezer for dinner. Pretty simple and harmless, in my opinion. What about those chats and old pictures of your ex, or that person from school that you know they used to have a crush on, should any of that matter? I didn’t feel like they mattered much, and the group agreed that as long as they stayed in the past, there was no reason to get upset over it. However, if it’s not in the past and you feel that it’s an issue, there’s a better way to approach it rather than commenting on the offender’s page.

“If there is a mutual attraction between your significant other & someone else, it either needs to be addressed in private as adults with your partner, or you need to let it go. “Letting it go" can come as letting the relationship end, or fighting like hell for what you want, whether it's good or bad for you. Facebook should be nothing more than a way to keep in touch with people outside your everyday life that you might have a need for. It shouldn't be used as a weapon against those you love; it shouldn't be used as a tool to find a new potential mate.” – R.S.

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t believe that I could have summed it up more perfectly than that. I am an advocate of personal responsibility and acting like you know better. No relationship is perfect, they all take work. Many times, if we all slow down and think objectively, we find that our initial reactions may not be the best course of action. However, there is no reason, in my opinion, to go digging around, looking to prove anything when you should be secure enough to just ask the question.

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Don't complain now:You're Married

The whole reason behind getting married is that you go to GOD and ask him to give you that one person you can't live without.. When you are on the altar and say I DO then YOU DO, not maybe i will when he or she acts right... Or I DO when i can stand to look at her... Nobody dragged you to that altar, so fellas stop saying ohhh she tricked me into this marriage thing. First of all it's not a marriage thing, it's a sacred moment between two lovers and soul mates that decide to be the only ones looking into each others' eyes to say I LOVE YOU.. Also you knew who were marrying before you married them so stop saying "I don't know you anymore".. Either you do and you are lying to get out of the marriage or you weren't ready to get married in the first place..... the point to all of this is your heart will let you know if you are ready don't rush something that god is co-signing.. Be you

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You showed me so much Respect; Why stop now?

On the first date you say all the right things, listening to what she has to say, you even open doors for her... "Such a gentleman", she adores the way you look at her without even turning your head to look at another female. The attention is all on her even when you feel like there's nothing else you can possibly know about her, except her social security number...lol good times. You feel like you have to give her the best of everything you have,or don't have. she's number one in every aspect of your well being, she is being treated like a queen with no bad days. Not saying everything is perfect , but she is the answer to all of your questions!!!!

I'm getting so used to you. You go get breakfast and since she is sleeping you don't bring her anything back... "I didn't know what you wanted".... Confused and angry are the feelings that are running through her veins, figuratively speaking. She now has to get used to you telling her how you have to watch this game no matter what, even on date night. You sleep in every weekend, letting her walk the dog alone..." I'm tired. I don't feel like getting it for you. Dang, leave me alone".... you are going on your date night and she is driving, you get in the car first her door is locked, but when she gets to the driver side it's locked and she has to unlock it herself....(Think about it)... the respect is fading a little....

Durring the last days, while you're both on the couch watching a show, she gets tired and go off to bed..."I'm tired baby I'm going to bed..."ok I'm going to finish looking at it so go ahead"... You find yourself falling asleep on the couch and waking up at 3a.m. you go to the kitchen get something to drink and walk back on the couch to fall asleep... The love is gone but you are still there....

You should put in the effort to keep you lady as if it was your first date everyday.. but you don't, you take everything in your relationship for granted and you feel like the thrill is gone away because she is boring... NO... She seems boring because she has lost interest in the fantastic guy she fell in love with. You stopped showing her passion and start showing her infection... And when she starts to feel infected she seems different but it's not her it's you... I know it seems like I am all on the ladies side but just wait...IT'S JUST MY FIRST BLOG

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Who Needs Marriage, Anyway? Three reasons I don't feel like I need to be married right now.

It's springtime, everyone! You know, the time when flowers are in bloom, babies are born and the dawn of wedding season has sprung. I mean, seriously, everybody on my Facebook is posting pictures of their brand new babies, shiny rings and those oh-so-glamorous black and white wedding pictures with the random pop of color inserted. How could a girl avoid the feverish womb and wedding envy that's bound to ensue? Well, while I can't deny that I'm obsessed with the  "first comes love, then comes marriage" (along with the subsequent baby carriage) ideal, I prefer to look at it from the societal aspect rather than the supposed ticking time bomb that is my youth. Isn't that what this is all about anyway, wedlock and babies and whatnot? Which brings me to the first reason on my list:


1. I am not in a hurry to have a baby. Furthermore, who said marriage increases the chances of a successful pregnancy and a happy, well-taken-care-of child if the parents are already in a long-term committed relationship? I mean, really?  He's free to go before, during and after the process. To paraphrase everyone's favorite joke of a real housewife from Atlanta, a ring doesn't guarantee a thing. Therefore, I don't focus on it as though it is the cornerstone of my relationship. Bonus points if you already knew that babies aren't a cure-all for relationship woes, like it's not already stressful enough being in my late 20s and fresh out of college. There are enough newborns on Facebook to quell any alarms going off in my ovaries. All those little fingers and faces that are indistinguishable make me just wanna say "Aww, look at those little feet" so I can avoid offending a parent if I don't find their baby adorable. Onward!

2. I just decided on what I'm going to do with my life. Even that choice may not be set in stone. I want to have the option of traveling the world without feeling like I'm abandoning my newly found marital bliss. Not to mention that once we're married, the financial situation is bound to change and that freedom may be more difficult to come by. At this point in both our lives, we know that our prospective career paths might lead us to opposite ends of the country or even the earth.  That would be more stress as a newlywed couple.

3. Why does it really matter?  The original purpose of marriage was more about financial security. People married out of survival. It's still that way in many countries around the world-- hey, give a man a goat, you can marry his daughter. Everybody wins!  I  kid, but  honestly, this whole idea of romantic love has got us messed up. Love at first sight is all well and good, but what happens when the infatuation period wears off? Will you still want the person? Will those habits that you initially found endearing start to get on your nerves, particularly if you never lived with the person? These days, I see marriage as more of a companionship.The only thing that would change in our relationship is my last name and that's not even guaranteed. I stare convention in the face and dare it to come after me. I like my name, is that a crime?Additionally, we already live together with joint bills and a dog. We make decisions together, we take care of each other. If love is truly unconditional, why does a ring have to be attached?

I believe in marriage and its sanctity, I just don't believe that many others consider what it means. Marriage used to be about a lifelong commitment to each other but now, one can change their spouse with no real qualms. What do you think? Is marriage more than a social institution? Leave me a comment below.

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