Communication, it's a very important part of any relationship, platonic or romantic. It is an issue that comes up time and again whenever I'm talking to friends about their relationships. But I'm gonna impart some secrets that should make this whole "talking" thing easier. Secret #1 Men like to fix things. It's how they contribute to the world.
I'm not talking about the leaky sink in your kitchen. Have you ever been talking to your guy about an issue you had at work and he starts telling you what you should do to fix it before you can finish the whole story? After that, he's gone back to whatever he was doing? Men are problem solvers. Now that he's "fixed your problem" he can move on, at least that's how it goes in his mind. But you didn't initiate conversation because of a problem that you needed help with. You were just trying to vent about your crappy coworker.
Instead of getting annoyed and thinking that he's dismissing you, you should understand that men don't process emotions the same way that we do, nor do they value verbal exchanges as much. We as women talk about everything with each other. Men only share the essential details with each other. Because you expressed frustration with something, he took that on as a problem. Everything after that is irrelevant background information. Next time you feel like venting, keep it simple and short. Guys don't need a play by play of our day. Which brings me to my next secret
Secret #2 Men show their love through actions rather than words.
Talking about feelings isn't something that comes easily to a man. In general, men are raised to disregard emotions-- especially the need to show or discuss them. Maybe he's just not a touchy kind of man. Don't fret, though. Chances are he's done something else to show he cares. He may have taken time to load the dishwasher without you asking, or bought your favorite ice cream during a quick stop at the store. They seem like simple gestures, but he was trying to lighten your load and give you something to look forward to. If you'd really like a hug instead, just say so. They're usually open to requests as long as they're not made in anger.
Secret #3 Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Men will take what you say literally. Therefore, you should never say "no" when you really mean "yes"or any variations thereof. It's one of the most ridiculous things you can do. I mean, how is he supposed to know what you mean if you don't tell him? I'll give you an example from one of my favorite train-wreck-of-a-TV-show, One Tree Hill. Brooke once got really upset at Lucas for going out on a date with a girl while they were nonexclusive. Lucas kept telling her that he only wanted to be with her, but Brooke wanted to keep sleeping with whoever was available, (including Lucas) so she insisted that he go out with someone. At the end of this long, drawn out argument, she confesses that she didn't really expect him to go out with the girl. Instead she expected him to "fight for her." and rebel against her stubbornness. The first thing he says? "How the hell was I supposed to know that?" I totally agreed with his outrage. One of the things I learned early on (in various capacities) is to be honest. In a relationship, honesty is of the utmost importance.
Bottom Line
Communication is a two-way street when everything is good. However, it can quickly turn into a dead end if you both aren't willing to listen. If you really want a happy relationship, it's important to know what your partner needs to feel loved and treat them with the respect that you would require.
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