So, I'm currently reading a book, entitled Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough that asks exact question. The author is urging women to settle for Mr. Good Enough instead of searching endlessly for Mr. Perfect. Now, that is NOT to say that a woman shouldn't have standards, but I do believe that we should step away from our checklists long enough to realize that while the one you're with may not have everything that you want, he might be everything that you need. Those of you with checklists may want to go through and make such a distinction. Check off what is truly important, because newsflash: It's more about the way he treats you than what he looks like! However, I've also known women who seemingly lack any sort of requirements, and that has left them in terrible situations. We need that balance.Which brings me to the reason I started this post. The true point of this is to address the idea of empowerment versus inflexibility when it comes to women, independence and relationships. As American women, we are socialized to view love in a certain way-- always searching for our prince. According to the author, many women want someone to love, and someone to love them, however, they don't want to have to change for anyone. And while feeling lonely is a natural thing for humans as social beings, it is absolutely forbidden in our society for a single woman to ever admit that she is lonely and wants the companionship of a mate. The moment that she does, it's as if she has somehow set the women's rights movement back 70 years. I think however, that we should examine the scripts that we are taught as children to see how much they have influenced our lives.
What about all the fairy tales and romantic comedies? Movies where one person is obviously more invested in trying to start a relationship than the other and they have such a hard time getting it together but in the end it always works out. Cinderella, Snow White, hell, even Ariel had to go out looking for some semblance of independence before being reeled back into their dark pits of despair by the cruel realization that they would never truly be free without love (READ: A prince). That standard seems to hold true even today, as we are judged for marrying too young, too soon or too late. But does to admit that you are lonely say you have low self-esteem? Does it mean that you aren't self-aware or that you need to go do some soul-searching to "find yourself" to revel in all the freedom that the suffragettes and bra-burners of America fought for? I can earn my own money, buy a house, get myself a ring, have a baby on my own. I don't have to answer to a man about anything if I don't want to, right? I want what I want and I don't have to settle. But doesn't the inability to compromise leave you just as lonely in love as it affects your ability to make decisions in other aspects of life?
In my own relationship, I value the fact that we are each our own person. There is no pressure to bow to societal ideals of marriage. We are happy just being two people who decided to commit to each other seven years ago without a ring. Not to say that I don't value marriage or the implications it has for society, but it is important for everyone to consider what it means personally. A good relationship is about partnership, regardless of the label applied. What does it mean to you?
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