Am I ready for kids?

No one can tell you if you are ready for kids.  However, there are ways to tell if you aren't...

If you..

1. Still look online everyday and wonder when the new pair of Air Yezzys are coming out
2. Have a corvette or any two door car
3. Have three different women in your life
4. Still live with your mother
5. Have a beer some mustard and some molded cheese in your fridge right now as I'm typing
6. Are only working 15 hours a week at work
7. Stay in the gym 24/7
8. Skip days without eating because you are waiting on your check to come in
9. Are at a club.... on a Wednesday
10. At a club on a Sunday
11. Always saying the phrase ( i don't care about anyone but myself)
12. Didn't say the words "I Do"

...you are not ready to be a parent!

I know a lot of the things on this list are comical, but having kids is very important. You don't just wake up one day and say "I think i am going to have a few kids." You plan it out, or at least be ready to have kids. Kids do not ask to be in this world, so unless you are ready to dramatically change the things on this list.... BE READY!!!

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Is Feminism Screwing Up Your Love Life?

        So, I'm currently reading a book, entitled Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough that asks exact question. The author is urging women to settle for Mr. Good Enough instead of searching endlessly for Mr. Perfect. Now, that is NOT to say that a woman shouldn't have standards, but I do believe that we should step away from our checklists long enough to realize that while the one you're with may not have everything that you want, he might be everything that you need. Those of you with checklists may want to go through and make such a distinction. Check off what is truly important, because newsflash: It's more about the way he treats you than what he looks like! However, I've also known women who seemingly lack any sort of requirements, and that has left them in terrible situations. We need that balance.

Which brings me to the reason I started this post. The true point of this is to address the idea of empowerment versus inflexibility when it comes to women, independence and relationships. As American women, we are socialized to view love in a certain way-- always searching for our prince. According to the author, many women want someone to love, and someone to love them, however, they don't want to have to change for anyone. And while feeling lonely is a natural thing for humans as social beings, it is absolutely forbidden in our society for a single woman to ever admit that she is lonely and wants the companionship of a mate. The moment that she does, it's as if she has somehow set the women's rights movement back 70 years. I think however, that we should examine the scripts that we are taught as children to see how much they have influenced our lives.



What about all the fairy tales and romantic comedies? Movies where one person is obviously more invested in trying to start a relationship than the other and they have such a hard time getting it together but in the end it always works out. Cinderella, Snow White, hell, even Ariel had to go out looking for some semblance of independence before being reeled back into their dark pits of despair by the cruel realization that they would never truly be free without love (READ: A prince). That standard seems to hold true even today, as we are judged for marrying too young, too soon or too late. But does to admit that you are lonely say you have low self-esteem? Does it mean that you aren't self-aware or that you need to go do some soul-searching to "find yourself" to revel in all the freedom that the suffragettes and bra-burners of America fought for? I can earn my own money, buy a house, get myself a ring, have a baby on my own. I don't have to answer to a man about anything if I don't want to, right? I want what I want and I don't have to settle. But doesn't the inability to compromise leave you just as lonely in love as it affects your ability to make decisions in other aspects of life?

In my own relationship, I value the fact that we are each our own person.  There is no pressure to bow to societal ideals of marriage. We are happy just being two people who decided to commit to each other seven years ago without a ring. Not to say that I don't value marriage or the implications it has for society, but it is important for everyone to consider what it means personally. A good relationship is about partnership, regardless of the label applied. What does it mean to you?

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Who Needs Marriage, Anyway? Three reasons I don't feel like I need to be married right now.

It's springtime, everyone! You know, the time when flowers are in bloom, babies are born and the dawn of wedding season has sprung. I mean, seriously, everybody on my Facebook is posting pictures of their brand new babies, shiny rings and those oh-so-glamorous black and white wedding pictures with the random pop of color inserted. How could a girl avoid the feverish womb and wedding envy that's bound to ensue? Well, while I can't deny that I'm obsessed with the  "first comes love, then comes marriage" (along with the subsequent baby carriage) ideal, I prefer to look at it from the societal aspect rather than the supposed ticking time bomb that is my youth. Isn't that what this is all about anyway, wedlock and babies and whatnot? Which brings me to the first reason on my list:


1. I am not in a hurry to have a baby. Furthermore, who said marriage increases the chances of a successful pregnancy and a happy, well-taken-care-of child if the parents are already in a long-term committed relationship? I mean, really?  He's free to go before, during and after the process. To paraphrase everyone's favorite joke of a real housewife from Atlanta, a ring doesn't guarantee a thing. Therefore, I don't focus on it as though it is the cornerstone of my relationship. Bonus points if you already knew that babies aren't a cure-all for relationship woes, like it's not already stressful enough being in my late 20s and fresh out of college. There are enough newborns on Facebook to quell any alarms going off in my ovaries. All those little fingers and faces that are indistinguishable make me just wanna say "Aww, look at those little feet" so I can avoid offending a parent if I don't find their baby adorable. Onward!

2. I just decided on what I'm going to do with my life. Even that choice may not be set in stone. I want to have the option of traveling the world without feeling like I'm abandoning my newly found marital bliss. Not to mention that once we're married, the financial situation is bound to change and that freedom may be more difficult to come by. At this point in both our lives, we know that our prospective career paths might lead us to opposite ends of the country or even the earth.  That would be more stress as a newlywed couple.

3. Why does it really matter?  The original purpose of marriage was more about financial security. People married out of survival. It's still that way in many countries around the world-- hey, give a man a goat, you can marry his daughter. Everybody wins!  I  kid, but  honestly, this whole idea of romantic love has got us messed up. Love at first sight is all well and good, but what happens when the infatuation period wears off? Will you still want the person? Will those habits that you initially found endearing start to get on your nerves, particularly if you never lived with the person? These days, I see marriage as more of a companionship.The only thing that would change in our relationship is my last name and that's not even guaranteed. I stare convention in the face and dare it to come after me. I like my name, is that a crime?Additionally, we already live together with joint bills and a dog. We make decisions together, we take care of each other. If love is truly unconditional, why does a ring have to be attached?

I believe in marriage and its sanctity, I just don't believe that many others consider what it means. Marriage used to be about a lifelong commitment to each other but now, one can change their spouse with no real qualms. What do you think? Is marriage more than a social institution? Leave me a comment below.

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