Ever made the statement that Facebook is a relationship killer? We’ve all seen it, right—the one post in which someone airs their proverbial dirty laundry as a status and everybody else chimes in? Twenty minutes later, Jessica Somebody is listed as single. Immediately, those of us who try to avoid drama say “I knew that wouldn’t last long.” I mean, how could anybody trust you to be an adult capable of being in a relationship if you can’t take your grievances directly to your partner? We all know that telling all your business on a social media site spells trouble, but what about trusting your partner on the internet, in general?
The other day, I was started a Facebook discussion with some folks about whether it was okay to have the passwords to your significant other’s social media sites The resounding consensus was “no.” Sure, I’ve seen it by accident when he didn’t close his browser (We each use a different one to avoid having to resave info on various sites,) but I’m not purposely stalking him and vice versa. I’d like to think that we’ve been together long enough that if he had a problem with something, he’d just ask. Others felt that it was distrustful and wholly unnecessary to ever know such information, especially if you ask for it. I got responses like:
“…If you choose to give each other your Facebook passwords, I think it kinds of set the stage for distrust. In order for a relationship to be true, both people have to fully trust/want to be in a relationship with the other person. If you can't trust them on Facebook, then you don't trust them in other aspects as well. Free will is the only way.” – C.R.
“I feel like if you trust your partner then you shouldn't worry about their Facebook movements, but at the same time it shouldn't be a problem for your significant other to give you their password. But your Facebook is your Facebook, but I guess it's a compromise between you guys at the end of the day.”—K.I
I fail to see the real value that is offered in being so nosey/jealous/clingy that you need to have around-the-clock access to everything in your significant other’s social life and actually making use of it. It makes sense to share things that significantly impact the both of you, like bank information and utility accounts (if you’re at that stage,) and if you really want to give them to your information to them, then there must be a very high level of trust between the two of you.
“Well, my husband and I have each other’s Facebook, Twitter, phone, bank account, and any other password you could think of, I don't remember half of his but the fact that he gave them to me without being prompted was comforting.”—R.W.
I feel that a mature relationship can govern themselves when it comes to these issues. If you’re at a point in your coupledom that you can handled shared passwords, then by all means, go for it. However, I don’t consider Facebook a necessity for anyone, unless it’s part of your job. Still, you’re managing an entity’s image rather than being nosey. Facebook should be used as a communication tool for the people that aren’t always available in your everyday life. I’ve even gone so far as to tag a post telling my boyfriend to take his phone off silent and call me back, or take the chicken out of the freezer for dinner. Pretty simple and harmless, in my opinion.
What about those chats and old pictures of your ex, or that person from school that you know they used to have a crush on, should any of that matter? I didn’t feel like they mattered much, and the group agreed that as long as they stayed in the past, there was no reason to get upset over it. However, if it’s not in the past and you feel that it’s an issue, there’s a better way to approach it rather than commenting on the offender’s page.
“If there is a mutual attraction between your significant other & someone else, it either needs to be addressed in private as adults with your partner, or you need to let it go. “Letting it go" can come as letting the relationship end, or fighting like hell for what you want, whether it's good or bad for you. Facebook should be nothing more than a way to keep in touch with people outside your everyday life that you might have a need for. It shouldn't be used as a weapon against those you love; it shouldn't be used as a tool to find a new potential mate.” – R.S.
Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t believe that I could have summed it up more perfectly than that. I am an advocate of personal responsibility and acting like you know better. No relationship is perfect, they all take work. Many times, if we all slow down and think objectively, we find that our initial reactions may not be the best course of action. However, there is no reason, in my opinion, to go digging around, looking to prove anything when you should be secure enough to just ask the question.
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