Am I ready for kids?

No one can tell you if you are ready for kids.  However, there are ways to tell if you aren't...

If you..

1. Still look online everyday and wonder when the new pair of Air Yezzys are coming out
2. Have a corvette or any two door car
3. Have three different women in your life
4. Still live with your mother
5. Have a beer some mustard and some molded cheese in your fridge right now as I'm typing
6. Are only working 15 hours a week at work
7. Stay in the gym 24/7
8. Skip days without eating because you are waiting on your check to come in
9. Are at a club.... on a Wednesday
10. At a club on a Sunday
11. Always saying the phrase ( i don't care about anyone but myself)
12. Didn't say the words "I Do"

...you are not ready to be a parent!

I know a lot of the things on this list are comical, but having kids is very important. You don't just wake up one day and say "I think i am going to have a few kids." You plan it out, or at least be ready to have kids. Kids do not ask to be in this world, so unless you are ready to dramatically change the things on this list.... BE READY!!!

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Relationship + Facebook = Trust Issues?

Ever made the statement that Facebook is a relationship killer? We’ve all seen it, right—the one post in which someone airs their proverbial dirty laundry as a status and everybody else chimes in? Twenty minutes later, Jessica Somebody is listed as single. Immediately, those of us who try to avoid drama say “I knew that wouldn’t last long.” I mean, how could anybody trust you to be an adult capable of being in a relationship if you can’t take your grievances directly to your partner? We all know that telling all your business on a social media site spells trouble, but what about trusting your partner on the internet, in general? The other day, I was started a Facebook discussion with some folks about whether it was okay to have the passwords to your significant other’s social media sites The resounding consensus was “no.” Sure, I’ve seen it by accident when he didn’t close his browser (We each use a different one to avoid having to resave info on various sites,) but I’m not purposely stalking him and vice versa. I’d like to think that we’ve been together long enough that if he had a problem with something, he’d just ask. Others felt that it was distrustful and wholly unnecessary to ever know such information, especially if you ask for it. I got responses like:

“…If you choose to give each other your Facebook passwords, I think it kinds of set the stage for distrust. In order for a relationship to be true, both people have to fully trust/want to be in a relationship with the other person. If you can't trust them on Facebook, then you don't trust them in other aspects as well. Free will is the only way.” – C.R. “I feel like if you trust your partner then you shouldn't worry about their Facebook movements, but at the same time it shouldn't be a problem for your significant other to give you their password. But your Facebook is your Facebook, but I guess it's a compromise between you guys at the end of the day.”—K.I

I fail to see the real value that is offered in being so nosey/jealous/clingy that you need to have around-the-clock access to everything in your significant other’s social life and actually making use of it. It makes sense to share things that significantly impact the both of you, like bank information and utility accounts (if you’re at that stage,) and if you really want to give them to your information to them, then there must be a very high level of trust between the two of you.

“Well, my husband and I have each other’s Facebook, Twitter, phone, bank account, and any other password you could think of, I don't remember half of his but the fact that he gave them to me without being prompted was comforting.”—R.W.

I feel that a mature relationship can govern themselves when it comes to these issues. If you’re at a point in your coupledom that you can handled shared passwords, then by all means, go for it. However, I don’t consider Facebook a necessity for anyone, unless it’s part of your job. Still, you’re managing an entity’s image rather than being nosey. Facebook should be used as a communication tool for the people that aren’t always available in your everyday life. I’ve even gone so far as to tag a post telling my boyfriend to take his phone off silent and call me back, or take the chicken out of the freezer for dinner. Pretty simple and harmless, in my opinion. What about those chats and old pictures of your ex, or that person from school that you know they used to have a crush on, should any of that matter? I didn’t feel like they mattered much, and the group agreed that as long as they stayed in the past, there was no reason to get upset over it. However, if it’s not in the past and you feel that it’s an issue, there’s a better way to approach it rather than commenting on the offender’s page.

“If there is a mutual attraction between your significant other & someone else, it either needs to be addressed in private as adults with your partner, or you need to let it go. “Letting it go" can come as letting the relationship end, or fighting like hell for what you want, whether it's good or bad for you. Facebook should be nothing more than a way to keep in touch with people outside your everyday life that you might have a need for. It shouldn't be used as a weapon against those you love; it shouldn't be used as a tool to find a new potential mate.” – R.S.

Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t believe that I could have summed it up more perfectly than that. I am an advocate of personal responsibility and acting like you know better. No relationship is perfect, they all take work. Many times, if we all slow down and think objectively, we find that our initial reactions may not be the best course of action. However, there is no reason, in my opinion, to go digging around, looking to prove anything when you should be secure enough to just ask the question.

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Don't complain now:You're Married

The whole reason behind getting married is that you go to GOD and ask him to give you that one person you can't live without.. When you are on the altar and say I DO then YOU DO, not maybe i will when he or she acts right... Or I DO when i can stand to look at her... Nobody dragged you to that altar, so fellas stop saying ohhh she tricked me into this marriage thing. First of all it's not a marriage thing, it's a sacred moment between two lovers and soul mates that decide to be the only ones looking into each others' eyes to say I LOVE YOU.. Also you knew who were marrying before you married them so stop saying "I don't know you anymore".. Either you do and you are lying to get out of the marriage or you weren't ready to get married in the first place..... the point to all of this is your heart will let you know if you are ready don't rush something that god is co-signing.. Be you

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You showed me so much Respect; Why stop now?

On the first date you say all the right things, listening to what she has to say, you even open doors for her... "Such a gentleman", she adores the way you look at her without even turning your head to look at another female. The attention is all on her even when you feel like there's nothing else you can possibly know about her, except her social security number...lol good times. You feel like you have to give her the best of everything you have,or don't have. she's number one in every aspect of your well being, she is being treated like a queen with no bad days. Not saying everything is perfect , but she is the answer to all of your questions!!!!

I'm getting so used to you. You go get breakfast and since she is sleeping you don't bring her anything back... "I didn't know what you wanted".... Confused and angry are the feelings that are running through her veins, figuratively speaking. She now has to get used to you telling her how you have to watch this game no matter what, even on date night. You sleep in every weekend, letting her walk the dog alone..." I'm tired. I don't feel like getting it for you. Dang, leave me alone".... you are going on your date night and she is driving, you get in the car first her door is locked, but when she gets to the driver side it's locked and she has to unlock it herself....(Think about it)... the respect is fading a little....

Durring the last days, while you're both on the couch watching a show, she gets tired and go off to bed..."I'm tired baby I'm going to bed..."ok I'm going to finish looking at it so go ahead"... You find yourself falling asleep on the couch and waking up at 3a.m. you go to the kitchen get something to drink and walk back on the couch to fall asleep... The love is gone but you are still there....

You should put in the effort to keep you lady as if it was your first date everyday.. but you don't, you take everything in your relationship for granted and you feel like the thrill is gone away because she is boring... NO... She seems boring because she has lost interest in the fantastic guy she fell in love with. You stopped showing her passion and start showing her infection... And when she starts to feel infected she seems different but it's not her it's you... I know it seems like I am all on the ladies side but just wait...IT'S JUST MY FIRST BLOG

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Is Feminism Screwing Up Your Love Life?

        So, I'm currently reading a book, entitled Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough that asks exact question. The author is urging women to settle for Mr. Good Enough instead of searching endlessly for Mr. Perfect. Now, that is NOT to say that a woman shouldn't have standards, but I do believe that we should step away from our checklists long enough to realize that while the one you're with may not have everything that you want, he might be everything that you need. Those of you with checklists may want to go through and make such a distinction. Check off what is truly important, because newsflash: It's more about the way he treats you than what he looks like! However, I've also known women who seemingly lack any sort of requirements, and that has left them in terrible situations. We need that balance.

Which brings me to the reason I started this post. The true point of this is to address the idea of empowerment versus inflexibility when it comes to women, independence and relationships. As American women, we are socialized to view love in a certain way-- always searching for our prince. According to the author, many women want someone to love, and someone to love them, however, they don't want to have to change for anyone. And while feeling lonely is a natural thing for humans as social beings, it is absolutely forbidden in our society for a single woman to ever admit that she is lonely and wants the companionship of a mate. The moment that she does, it's as if she has somehow set the women's rights movement back 70 years. I think however, that we should examine the scripts that we are taught as children to see how much they have influenced our lives.



What about all the fairy tales and romantic comedies? Movies where one person is obviously more invested in trying to start a relationship than the other and they have such a hard time getting it together but in the end it always works out. Cinderella, Snow White, hell, even Ariel had to go out looking for some semblance of independence before being reeled back into their dark pits of despair by the cruel realization that they would never truly be free without love (READ: A prince). That standard seems to hold true even today, as we are judged for marrying too young, too soon or too late. But does to admit that you are lonely say you have low self-esteem? Does it mean that you aren't self-aware or that you need to go do some soul-searching to "find yourself" to revel in all the freedom that the suffragettes and bra-burners of America fought for? I can earn my own money, buy a house, get myself a ring, have a baby on my own. I don't have to answer to a man about anything if I don't want to, right? I want what I want and I don't have to settle. But doesn't the inability to compromise leave you just as lonely in love as it affects your ability to make decisions in other aspects of life?

In my own relationship, I value the fact that we are each our own person.  There is no pressure to bow to societal ideals of marriage. We are happy just being two people who decided to commit to each other seven years ago without a ring. Not to say that I don't value marriage or the implications it has for society, but it is important for everyone to consider what it means personally. A good relationship is about partnership, regardless of the label applied. What does it mean to you?

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Free Online Dating May Not Be Worth the Cost

The concept of online dating has become so much more mainstream than back in the day that it makes it seem like you can almost shop & buy love nowadays. The idea of free dating sites is relatively common & a hot-spot for those that are looking for dates on a discount you could say. Unfortunately, I do believe this correlates to a cheap quality of individuals thinking not much is required but much will be given if that makes sense. 


Basically, in my opinion, I have found members of the opposite sex on a free dating site I've been using to be lazy quite frankly. Its astonishing how many have created profiles that are blank or very bare to the point where you don't see the sense in them having made one at all! Maybe its just me but to expect more than what you are putting out is not fair to those that are actually on the site for a benefit & ARE putting in the effort by posting truthful, candid information about themselves in hopes of finding a half-way decent match. 

I  wasn't lying when I said I looked like Halle Berry

I think, unfortunately, this experience I've had online dating recently has just been a mirror of what is actually taking place out in the "real world" of dating but on a technological scale of sorts. I think its realistic that men are generally expecting more than what they deserve when you look at how some are not keeping up their appearances well enough to warrant them catching a hottie or "Halle Berry" & etc. but that doesn't stop those same dudes from holding high standards of who their "girl" will be. 
Hitting up the clubs isn't much better since the idea or notion of getting a dance requires a drink be bought has almost totally been thrown out the window. The idea of wooing a woman has been really pushed to the back burner & instead there is a general mentality I've noticed that almost says, "what can you do for me?" Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, as the saying goes, I believe still rings true to this day. Perhaps the blame can be placed on both sides, men & women that is, but that's debatable.

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Who Needs Marriage, Anyway? Three reasons I don't feel like I need to be married right now.

It's springtime, everyone! You know, the time when flowers are in bloom, babies are born and the dawn of wedding season has sprung. I mean, seriously, everybody on my Facebook is posting pictures of their brand new babies, shiny rings and those oh-so-glamorous black and white wedding pictures with the random pop of color inserted. How could a girl avoid the feverish womb and wedding envy that's bound to ensue? Well, while I can't deny that I'm obsessed with the  "first comes love, then comes marriage" (along with the subsequent baby carriage) ideal, I prefer to look at it from the societal aspect rather than the supposed ticking time bomb that is my youth. Isn't that what this is all about anyway, wedlock and babies and whatnot? Which brings me to the first reason on my list:


1. I am not in a hurry to have a baby. Furthermore, who said marriage increases the chances of a successful pregnancy and a happy, well-taken-care-of child if the parents are already in a long-term committed relationship? I mean, really?  He's free to go before, during and after the process. To paraphrase everyone's favorite joke of a real housewife from Atlanta, a ring doesn't guarantee a thing. Therefore, I don't focus on it as though it is the cornerstone of my relationship. Bonus points if you already knew that babies aren't a cure-all for relationship woes, like it's not already stressful enough being in my late 20s and fresh out of college. There are enough newborns on Facebook to quell any alarms going off in my ovaries. All those little fingers and faces that are indistinguishable make me just wanna say "Aww, look at those little feet" so I can avoid offending a parent if I don't find their baby adorable. Onward!

2. I just decided on what I'm going to do with my life. Even that choice may not be set in stone. I want to have the option of traveling the world without feeling like I'm abandoning my newly found marital bliss. Not to mention that once we're married, the financial situation is bound to change and that freedom may be more difficult to come by. At this point in both our lives, we know that our prospective career paths might lead us to opposite ends of the country or even the earth.  That would be more stress as a newlywed couple.

3. Why does it really matter?  The original purpose of marriage was more about financial security. People married out of survival. It's still that way in many countries around the world-- hey, give a man a goat, you can marry his daughter. Everybody wins!  I  kid, but  honestly, this whole idea of romantic love has got us messed up. Love at first sight is all well and good, but what happens when the infatuation period wears off? Will you still want the person? Will those habits that you initially found endearing start to get on your nerves, particularly if you never lived with the person? These days, I see marriage as more of a companionship.The only thing that would change in our relationship is my last name and that's not even guaranteed. I stare convention in the face and dare it to come after me. I like my name, is that a crime?Additionally, we already live together with joint bills and a dog. We make decisions together, we take care of each other. If love is truly unconditional, why does a ring have to be attached?

I believe in marriage and its sanctity, I just don't believe that many others consider what it means. Marriage used to be about a lifelong commitment to each other but now, one can change their spouse with no real qualms. What do you think? Is marriage more than a social institution? Leave me a comment below.

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